HIATUS

I guess I have been on hiatus--unplanned and unintended. It's a week since I last sat down and posted an entry here and I have been struggling, stupidly, with a nagging sense of guilt. Well, not guilt exactly, but the persistent feeling of something left undone. So here I am. Sitting down. Thinking...

It's not that there has not been a lot to say, more that I've lacked the time and energy to say it. More distressing, to be honest, is the lack of motivation. That bothers me. It leaves me wondering whether my writing days are done, and that's a strange, unfamiliar, and uncomfortable thought for one who has made a daily practice of writing something, somewhere virtually every day.

Here's what: Last Thursday, a week ago today, my son Jason arrived from Iowa for his annual long winter weekend's visit in normally balmy Southern California. It was unusually cold for the first couple of days. Sunny, glorious, but cold. He settled to the sun. We had some good walks together--a favorite occupation--along the cliff in Heisler Park and up at the Top of the World. We enjoyed some Mexican food at his favorite Mexican restaurant here. The climax of the weekend, dinner-wise, was a fine meal at our local Belgian restaurant, the Brussels Bistro, where we indulged in an order of fresh oysters followed, improbably, by another of escargots. An odd combination, you might say. Well, yes. But it was fun. our weekend's fun was further enhanced by a bottle of Belvedere vodka and another of Monkey's Shoulder bourbon (Jason's recommendation). Not to mention a few bottles or wine. 

So there was that. Then our daughter, Jason's half-sister Sarah came down with her son Luka on Friday afternoon. I love to see the family connect. It doesn't happen often enough, with Jason living in Iowa and his brother, Matthew, way off in the UK with his family. We missed having all of us together in the flesh, but managed a reunion with Matthew and his wife, Diane, courtesy of Facetime. Would love to have had our older grandchildren, Alice and the twins, Joe and Georgia join us, but they are off in various places, living their lives. 

I have to confess that I have less energy to expend than I used to, and the weekend left me both physically and emotionally spent. To complicate matters, there has been the disaster unfolding in my native Europe, events that suggest unfortunate comparison with the war years of my childhood. It pains me to read and hear about this vile, unnecessary repetition of that brutality, and to watch the distressing new advance of autocracy not only in Europe but in my own adopted country too. The experience has been draining, filling me with anger, frustration and despair. May these words prove the start of a return to the keyboard, at the very least. I take a measure of comfort in putting it all down in words.